Fort Burns

Peter Pan Syndrome

04.26.2007 | 10:09 pm | Everyday Life

This evening for bedtime, Daddy B and I switched up kids. C wanted me to put him in bed, so Daddy got to spend some extra quality time with J.

As I was rocking C, we talked about a variety of topics. The first recurring topic was on the lavender crocheted blanket that I made that is on his bed. He wanted to know all about how I made it and when.

I told C in detail how Ms. Denise taught me how to crochet a long time ago (I believe I was pregnant with C) and that this lavender blanket was my first blanket to crochet. As he would find out one day, if he folded the blanket he would see that the corners don’t match up. As this was my first blanket to crochet, I made a lot of mistakes in it. After I finished making the blanket, I wasn’t proud of it, but couldn’t bring myself to throw it in the trash. I ended up folding it as neatly as possible, given it’s unintentional wavy edges, and placing it in the top of the boys’ bathroom linen closet.

One day a couple of years ago, C looked in the linen closet and saw the pretty colored blanket in the top of the closet. He asked about it and I got it down. After being put away for awhile, I could see it differently. It is very pretty - I love lavender - and is incredibly soft. C didn’t look at the flaws. He just marveled at being able to cuddle up in a warm, soft, pretty blanket that Mommy made. I gave C that blanket. I hope he is always able to see the good in everything and not the imperfections. I love his childhood innocence.

While I was rocking C, we were wrapped up in a gold colored knitted afghan that belonged to my parents. I remember being a little girl and my mom wrapping me up in this same blanket. I also remember coming home from grammar school and college classes and taking naps on the playroom couch, wrapped in this same gold blanket. I told C all about this blanket as well. When Daddy B and I got married, my mom gave me this blanket, knowing how much I had loved it. It’s amazing how some objects can hold so many memories. (B calls my blanket “ugly” and I comment on his blanket that his Grandma made for him when he was a child. B’s Grandma took one of his bed sheets to use as one side of the blanket and the other side is “rust” colored in B’s eyes - to the rest of the world it is “dark rose pink,” which I like to say to combat his comment about my blanket. I love you, Sweetheart! It is so much fun to laugh with you!)

I told C all about the gold blanket as we rocked. This led to a discussion about him getting married one day and how he could cuddle up in his lavender blanket one day at his house. Here is how the discussion went:
Mommy: When you get married you can take this lavender blanket with you to your house and cuddle up with it.
C: (long pause) Are you coming with me to my house?
Mommy: When you get married, you will want your own house.
C: No, I’m staying here.
Mommy: Well, by the time you decide to get married, you will have a job and maybe we can sell this house and you and Daddy can buy a bigger house for us all to live in.
C: Why do we need a bigger house?
Mommy: I guess we don’t. Okay, we will all live here together.
C: I don’t want to get married. I want to stay here with you always.
Mommy: You know what? I was 22 when I got married. You are almost 5. You have a long time to decide if you want to get married. If you don’t want to get married, that is fine, too.
C: (another long pause) As long as I can stay with you. You make me happy and feel good rocking me. I want to stay with you all day. I love you, Mommy.
Mommy: I love you too, my precious Angel Boy.

As C was getting drowsy, I rocked more - wrapped up, warm and content. When C is getting sleepy, he likes to have my hand on him. Sometimes he wants my hand on his back, sometimes his cheek. Tonight, as I had one arm wrapped around him, he wanted my other hand on his forehead, as to not be in the way of him sucking his thumb with the blue blanket that Nana and I have kept going for almost 5 years. I know he is growing up. He knows it too. But sometimes, being rocked to sleep feels really good.